Inventing Reality
A story from my own youth shows how we're all inventing reality
It's so easy to do, and we're all doing it all the time
Several
interesting questions arise from this, for instance:
- will we invent our
reality unconsciously - or consciously?
- can we invent other people's
reality as well?
- what happens if we STOP inventing our reality all
together?
This page is an entry in "Soren's
Blog: Inspirational Thoughts" - a blog aimed at your personal development &
spiritual growth. This blog incorporates inspirational motivational quotes,
short funny jokes, funny questions that make you think and more!
Reality: 'Make It So!
If we go about inventing reality unconsciously it can be a terribly trying experience - particularly if our subconscious is full of limiting and self depreciating beliefs (e.g. low self esteem). In some cases though, it's just the other way around. To show you what I'm talking about I'll share with you a story from my own youth.
The Rich Guy Clique of My Youth
Danish society in general is characterized by a large amount of equality. Both equality between the sexes and between rich and poor. (Relatively speaking, that is, compared to much of the rest of the world).Many years ago, at the Danish equivalent of high school, I was surprised to find some young men (there weren't any girls in that particular group) who considered themselves very 'cool' and 'smart' and 'dapper' and 'clever' and 'in'.
These guys would wear expensive clothes, in fact usually overdressing compared to everybody else. Oftentimes they would wear suits and ties when the rest of us were quite casually dressed. Also, they would poke fun (or what THEY considered fun) at other people, usually by putting other people down. Obviously they considered this behaviour 'cool' and 'clever'. So, by behaving like this they thought they became 'smart'.
Doubting Their Reality
After watching them for a while I wondered why they thought so. Because in truth they weren't much cleverer than the rest of us. In fact, their abilities at school - and hence: their grades - were somewhat lousier than, say, those of my best friend and myself.By now you're probably not surprised to hear that these guys had parents who were relatively richer than the parents of most of the other young people, including mine.
However ...
Different Beliefs Create Different Realities
... try as I might I couldn't see the relevance of how much money their parents had.Today, I can see that this was because in my family having money wasn't a value in and of itself. Having a lot of money - or not - simply wasn't important. It didn't matter.
Consequently, to me the importance they placed on being kids of rich parents and having expensive clothes was completely wasted on me - it made no sense what so ever to me. Hence, I ignored it.
I also proceeded to ignore what I considered the silly parts of their behavior (the pretending, the attitudes, etc.) and simply treated them like everybody else.
In fact, to tell you the truth, my feeling at the time was that these guys were very insecure - an assessment which was probably quite accurate.
The 'funny' thing was, that while they would tease and look down upon a lot of the other folks at school they NEVER did so with me. Ever. And I assure you: My parents weren't rich and I wasn't the 'cool', well dressed type. I didn't pay much attention to my clothes at all, and I'm sure I fell far short of their 'standards'. Apparently that didn't matter.
Why, one wonders, was that?
The Personal Development Guy: Background Info
To answer that I need to give you a bit more background info on me.In my family having money wasn't a value, but being intelligent was. Great store was put on being intelligent. And being friendly and socially adept was also pretty high on the list.
It was no surprise, then, that I did everything I could to be intelligent (and socially adept). It worked pretty well, too.
Without making much effort I got extremely good grades in school, including high school. Since these 'in' guys were into being smart and clever, I'm sure they were somewhat impressed.
I don't reckon that that's the most important reason why they treated me nicely, though.
Inventing Reality
No, my conclusion today is this: They treated me nicely because I was being myself and I treated them as the equals they were.In other words, I didn't buy into their version of a 'reality' where they were better than other people.
But I didn't fight it either.
I simply ignored their version of reality (because, as mentioned, it simply made no sense to me) and stuck to my own version of 'reality' where we were equals on friendly terms. This worked.
When Inventing Reality No Fighting Is Necessary
Why did it work? Several reasons, I guess.First off, being clever/smart/intelligent was one of their values, and I seemed to have more of that than they did. They could se this every day in school when I learned things quicker than they did and knew lots of things they didn't.
(That doesn't mean that its true that I was more intelligent than them, of course, it simply meant that I had been brought up to believe even more in the value of intelligence than they had, and I behaved accordingly).
Secondly, they knew damn well that they were insecure, and that their posing was just that: posing. In order for things like posing and putting other people down to work, it is required that other people play along. Some folks did. I didn't.
Also - and this is important - I didn't fight them, put them down or question their reality. I simply IGNORED their slightly nasty reality and ASSUMED them to be equals and ACTED (treated them) accordingly. Because, hey, that was MY reality.
Another way to put all the above things is this: my version of 'reality' ('we're equals') was a bit closer to absolute reality [LINK] than their version of 'reality' ('everybody else is inferior'). Absolute reality doesn't 'trump' relative reality as such, it simply feels more real and true - and that's because it IS more real and true.
And thus we come to the conclusion(s) of this personal, inspirational story.
Inventing Reality: The First Conclusion
The first interesting conclusion is this: For someone to put you down, you have to allow it to happen. You have to accept their version of 'reality'.If you don't - if you stick to what feels right for you - nobody can really touch you. Like a famous U.S. first lady once said:
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~
So, while we ARE in fact continually inventing reality for the people around us, our ability to do so is almost entirely dependent on their willingness to let us do so.
Another way to put that is: No leader can lead people who refuse to be lead.
Inventing Reality: The Second Conclusion
If a person is always pretending to be better than others, and continually putting other people down, then that person is surely trying to cover up feelings of great insecurity and weakness.
There is no reason why you should let that affect YOU in any way. To use another motivational quote by Mrs. Roosevelt:
Never allow a person to tell you no who doesn't have the power to say yes.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~
The above motivational quote is surprisingly deep. Sure, it's important to be able to say 'no' (setting boundaries). But simply being negative and saying no is a closed off /contracted condition and a very weak position. There is MUCH more power in being positive, accepting and saying yes.
Since most of us are inventing reality on a daily basis, there is much to be said for you inventing reality on the basis of positive acceptance.
Inventing Reality: The Third Conclusion
By now some people will be wondering if it's possible to STOP inventing reality - and what happens if you do.The short answer to that is this:
Yes, you can stop inventing reality. If you do that, you open your eyes to absolute reality [LINK].
Experientially this is a very nice thing indeed to do. As you can read on the pages Happiness and Letting Go (where you can also read about how to do it) you'll feel things like deep inner peace, unconditional love and great joy.
Inventing Reality: The Final Conclusion
And while we're at the Eleanor Roosevelt quotes, Mrs. Roosevelt said:Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt ~
... so why not just follow your heart?
Personally, though, I wouldn't call it 'damned' either way, since you don't have to let other people who are busy inventing reality on your behalf have any say what so ever. You can do your own inventing. Or, you can let it go entirely and just BE!
Let me end this blog post with president joke - or at least a joke-like anecdote:
President Calvin Coolidge once invited friends from his hometown to dine at the White House. Worried about their table manners, the guests decided to do everything that Coolidge did.
This strategy succeeded, until coffee was served. The president poured his coffee into the saucer. The guests did the same. Coolidge added sugar and cream. His guests did, too.
Then Coolidge bent over and put his saucer on the floor for the cat.
~ Inspirational Story ~
Tags/keywords for this blog entry include: inventing reality, inspirational thoughts, inspirational sayings, be yourself, just be yourself, relative reality, absolute reality, short inspirational stories, putting people down, condescending, personal development, self improvement, the personal development guy, Roosevelt quotes, Eleanor Roosevelt quotes, good quotes, saying yes, saying no, being negative, being positive, follow your heart, president Calvin Coolidge.
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