Low Self Esteem - and Self Esteem Building Activities
• Nearly everyone displays low self esteem signs, because ...
• Just
about everybody has self esteem problems and issues!
• (Even though they're
may not be aware of it)
• Here are 7 typical signs and symptoms of low
self esteem ...
• ... and 7 matching tips on overcoming low self esteem!
Surprise: We All have Low Self Esteem!
It may not seem like it, but just about everyone has some sort of self esteem issues. Yep, they do! Even the folks who appear not to because they brag or behave condescendingly. They just have a self inflating ego instead of a self deflating one.
Inflating or deflating - either one means low self esteem!
Pretty much every person alive today is insecure in one - or countless - ways. Usually, though, a person only gets labelled as 'insecure' (self deflating ego) or 'arrogant' (self inflating ego) or some such when they don't have an expedient way of dealing with those issues of inferiority.
Low Self Esteem Can Be Hidden
For others the subconscious insecurity and low self esteem may seem so sneaking and insidious they not even sure it's there.
Yet others have lived with their deep insecurities for so long they actually think life is supposed to be unpleasant like that. Well, it isn't!
Thus, we can all benefit from knowing what the typical low self esteem signs are. If you like, you can take the Quiz for Self Esteem (it's basically a self esteem questionnaire), or you can read on and get to know some of the signs and symptoms of low self esteem.
Seven Common Low Self Esteem Signs
- and Seven Matching Self Esteem Building Activities
What follows are seven
common low self esteem signs - plus seven matching self esteem tips on what you
can do about your insecurities (self esteem building activities) - so that you
can start your process of overcoming low self esteem. You Keep Secrets
- Because You Feel Unworthy,
Guilty and Shameful!
Have you got personal secrets? You know, those feelings,
thoughts, actions, etc. that nobody must know about, because you think that if
they did, they would hate or despise you forever?Well, that's a clear sign of low self esteem. Yup, secrets and low self esteem go hand in hand.
Problem:
If you keep personal secrets, odds are that you secretly feel wrong, weird, ugly, dumb, wrong, not good enough or something along those lines.
Because you feel so 'nasty' and 'awful' you also feel unworthy and guilty and shameful (and vice versa) - which is why you keep secrets about yourself. It's a closed loop, and a rather nasty one at that.
First off, this is definitely not a nice way to feel. It actively ruins your experience of life. And secondly, what if someone 'blows your cover'? What if? You're actually making yourself a prime target for, say, a blackmailer - both emotional blackmailers and monetary blackmailers.
Thirdly, and I'm happy to tell you this: You're just plain wrong.
You may think that everybody has secrets. You may think you NEED to have secrets. Those are both common beliefs. They're also incorrect; and getting rid of them is one of many great self esteem activities you can undertake.
Cure:
The truth is you don't need secrets. Let me use myself as an example.
Personally, I don't use secrecy. Yep, that's right. I don't have any secrets.
The people I love and trust, yea, even my coaching clients can ask me anything at all and always get an honest answer.
This is the result of a simple decision I made many years ago. I noticed that I am human, just like everybody else, and so I have human weaknesses - just like everybody else. So what's the point of feeling wrong, not good enough, guilty or ashamed and having secrets? I wondered.
There isn't any.
Consequently, I stopped doing that, plain and simple. I consciously decided to stop having secrets.
It worked, too. It was scary at first, but it turned out that the people who loved me kept on loving me, and so it got easier and easier. If you want, you can do the same thing!
Start small, if you like, and confide in one person whom you trust implicitly, then move on from there. I promise you, it will make your life much easier and more pleasant. And, as a fringe benefit, it'll improve your self esteem.
You're Jealous!
Jealousy is one of the completely reliable low self esteem signs, because your subconscious belief in your own lack of self worth keep telling you that your love partner is soon going to find someone better and more worthy than you.Problem:
Now, jealousy comes in all sorts of disguises, from totally wanting to control your partner to feeling pangs of insecurity when your partner is with a friend of the opposite sex (or: same sex for homosexuals). Any one of those belongs with the typical low self esteem signs.
In fact there's a simple correlation: the more jealous you feel the lower your self esteem is (i.e. the more of an inferiority complex you have).
Cure:
Overcoming jealousy is very closely linked to overcoming low self esteem. Relatively soon, right here on personaldevelopmentguy.com, there'll be a lot of self help for jealousy, including several practical methods for overcoming jealousy. When you visit here again, you can check out What's New at personaldevelopmentguy.com.
For now, though, my suggestion is that you use the most basic of all methods: Accepting your jealousy whenever it arises and breathing through it.
Sit somewhere - by yourself - and just notice your feelings of jealousy. Let them out if you feel like it (for instance you may cry) and simply breathe through it.
Don't do anything other than noticing your feelings, accepting them, expressing them and breathe.
Do this every single time the feelings of jealousy arise. This method takes time, so you have to be persistent, but if you are, you WILL experience improvements. Plus, you won't even have to bug your partner. :-)
You Avoid Eye Contact With Others!
Now, depending on where in the world you are, your culture may dictate bigger or smaller of amounts of eye contact. Relatively speaking the Western culture dictates a rather large amount of eye contact.Problem:
So ... in the Western culture avoiding eye contact (or not daring to sustain it as long as other people) is one of the low self esteem signs - a sign of insecurity. If you act like that, other people may tend to see you as vague and insecure or even evasive and untrustworthy.
Luckily, this is actually something you can train and improve consciously.
Cure:
Start your training with someone you trust implicitly. It's probably best if you tell them what you have got going so they can help you with it, but you don't necessarily have to tell them.
Then, when you look this person in the eyes, notice your own feelings. When you start feeling uncomfortable and want to look down or away ... sustain your eye contact a little longer whilst you count the seconds (inside your head or speaking them out loud).
When you feel you HAVE to break eye contact, just do it. But remember how many seconds beyond your usual comfort zone you were able to sustain eye contact.
As time goes by and you practice this, you'll notice how you're able to sustain eye contact with the other person for longer periods of time.
Not only does this make you SEEM more confident, it actually MAKES you more confident. In the next paragraph about low self esteem signs (no. 4, keeping your head down low) I'll explain how it works.
You're Walking with Your Head Down Low!
When you walk (and stand), are you busy looking at your shoes (or at the ground/pavement right in front of you)? Well, if so, that's another one of the signs of low self esteem. In fact it belongs with the most classical of low self esteem signs - so classical that you'll see it in cartoons and old movies.Problem:
Your body language is betraying your true feelings about yourself - and reinforcing the negative beliefs!
Well, happily, just like the low self esteem sign mentioned in the paragraph above (no. 3, avoiding eye contact), this is one of the low self esteem signs which is easily reversible.
Cure:
Simply lift your chin up off of your chest, so to speak. Consciously choose to stand and walk with your head held high. Not only will this make you SEEM more confident, it will MAKE you more confident. Sound strange? It isn't.
This is how it works:
Your body and your subconscious are both an integral parts of the wholeness that is you and therefore anything you display with one gets reflected in the other one.
The reason you're avoiding eye contact and walking with your head down low is that you're subconsciously feeling inferior (hence: it's one of the low self esteem signs). In effect your subconscious is telling your body that you're unworthy.
So, when you wilfully sustain eye contact and keep your head up high, you're sending a message the other way, which works just as efficiently.
Your body is telling your subconscious that you're NOT inferior or unworthy, but rather that you believe in yourself and are worthy of respect. Your subconscious has no choice but to believe this message.
See? It's easy. And it works!
You Don't Think You Deserve to Be Happy!
Is this you? When you look around and see happy people, you come up with a million reasons why they should be happy and you don't deserve the same kind of happiness. Well, then you've probably got self esteem issues, because this is another one of the pretty classical low self esteem signs.Problem:
No matter what you feel, you do deserve to be happy. Just like everybody else. And, in the big picture, there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be.
But one of your problems when you've got self esteem issues is that you're not looking at the big picture and you're not seeing things the way they actually are (see the next of the low self esteem signs, no. 6, below).
So, then, this is a suggestion as to what you might do as a form of self esteem self help ...
Cure:
When you wake up, and as you go through your day, keep saying to yourself, "I am worthy. I am good enough. I deserve happiness, and I do NOT feel guilty for feeling happy."
This is one of many positive affirmations you can create and say to yourself many times a day.
Do it several times a day (at least two times; that could be when you get out of bed and into bed).
Do this for at least 21 days in a row (if you miss a day you've got to start over!) and see how it affects your self esteem and feelings of self respect.
21 days in a row is a rule of thumb for how long it takes you to affect your subconscious with your positive affirmation.
Try it. This, too, works.
You're Have Little Trust
- and So You're Scared and Closed Off!
Trust
issues are extremely common - and extremely detrimental. Lack of trust and lack
of self esteem are directly linked - it's one of the low self esteem signs.Problem:
When you're afraid, you close yourself off from everything and everyone (including yourself, your own intuition/soul). You contract, so to speak, for fear of being hurt.
This has a lot of negative consequences. It may make you anxious or depressed or both, and what's worse is - it's a self fulfilling prophecy:
You don't feel that you can trust yourself or others, and so you behave in such a way that ultimately you'll prove yourself right.
Beliefs are like that. Whatever your belief is, unconsciously you'll strive to prove it true. See how it's a lousy thing when your beliefs are negative and untrusting?
Cure:
One way forward is this: First notice that it is so.
Secondly, accept it. Yes, accept this not-so-nice state of affairs. You need the acceptance to move on. Just decide for yourself, 'Okay, I have issues with trust and self esteem, that's all right because now I'm going to do something about that.'
Thirdly, consciously start changing it. In this case consciously start opening up and trusting yourself and other people. You start, of course, with the people you love and trust the most - say, your family and your love partner and/or your best friend.
Start communicating your feelings and insecurities. Start confiding more in those people. Be as honest as you can - and then some. Will yourself to open up. You'll notice something interesting: they start to like and love you even more! Just keep doing this until you're comfortable with it.
Then, when you dare, start doing the same with people you trust a little less. Say, your second best friend or your not-so-close friends. Repeat until comfortable with the openness.
Then, move on to people you know even less. Repeat.
In any case, this is the truth: many other people are just like you. They have pretty much the same fears and insecurities, and when you open up to someone, odds are they'll welcome you with open arms because they feel (or have felt) exactly the same.
When that happens, you may exchange ideas and know-how and both benefit in countless ways.
You're Afraid to Branch Out of Your Comfort Zone!
This is one of the very common low self esteem signs.Oh, that comfort zone feel so nice doesn't it? You've may even have grown so accustomed to things being the way they are that the mere thought of changing your routine terrifies you. Ah, the comfort zone, safe and secure ...
Problem:
The truth is, though, that your comfort zone is, well, a kind B.S., because on the level of the ego nothing is ever actually safe, while on the level of your true identity / soul (or: essence) everything is always safe. Either way you look at it a comfort zone is unnecessary.
And always staying inside your perceived zone of comfort is not only a recipe for stagnation, but also a weakening of yourself and your self esteem, because hey, in this time and age things sure do change fast. Really, really fast.
And you, of course, will be ever more stressed out by those changes - in addition to being untrained in dealing with them.
Cure:
That being said, there's no reason to stress your ego out by totally dropping your comfort zone right here and now. You can do it of course, but unless you've really going to let go of a lot of your emotional and ego based baggage, you'll simply be setting yourself up for a hard time.
An easier solution is taking it slow and consciously branching out of that good old comfort zone of yours. Whether it is something as simple as going to a new grocery store or regularly taking a new way to and from work ... or something as significant as expanding your social circle or looking for a new love, it is a really good idea to vary your routine and challenge yourself - a bit more every month (or even: week).
And although it may feel uncomfortable in the beginning, the more you branch out, the more comfortable you will become ... not only with new experiences, but with life itself.
This is actually a simple but efficient way of building your self esteem.
Low Self Esteem Signs - The Conclusion
These seven signs of low self esteem are just seven out of a very large number of possible low self esteem symptoms.Self esteem problems and issues underlie countless other kinds of problems and issues, and viewed in that light overcoming low self esteem can seem like a Herculean task.
Furthermore, my definition of self esteem is that it is a belief about your own worth. And it's a deep rooted core belief at that. So, while a feeling, thought, habit or superficial belief can be easy to change, break or let go of, a core belief is usually more resilient.
However, since it IS in fact possible to improve - or completely let go of (you don't actually need any beliefs at all) - every single belief you hold, there is a very good chance that these and other tips on how to improve your self esteem can work - provided you, too, do a bit of work. :-)
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