Advice about Everyday Love
• When your couple love becomes everyday love ...
• ... you may need some marriage problem advice!
• In your marriage or love relationship what do you do about ...
• ... all the potential problems with ...
• ... living together, cleaning, cooking, bringing up children, etc.?
• Buckle up for a fresh perspective on love and practical doings.
• Get insight and practical love tips and how-to-do-its here.
Is Everyday Life Getting to You?
Have you and your spouse/partner/lover moved in together, so that you now live under the same roof?Have you and your spouse/partner/lover had kids who are still living at home, so that there are lots of practical things to be done?
Do you cooperate professionally with your spouse/partner/lover, so that you are not only lovers but also colleagues?
Or do you and your spouse/partner/lover have some other practical things you need to do together?
In other words:
Has your love become everyday love so that you now feel the need for some marriage problem advice - whether you are married or not?
Surface Problems vs. Real Relationship Problems
On the surface there are all kinds of problems in marriage and other love relationships. Pretty much anything can be perceived as a problem:
From where to put the laundry, to doing the shopping, to keeping appointments, to how to deal with the kids (and the in-laws), to what kind of sex to have and how often, to jealousy, to ... you name it and it can be a problem.
This website is dedicated to looking below the surface, though. What you get here isn't run-of-the-mill information and advice, it is high level insight (and practical self help). That goes for the marriage problem advice, too. So, then, let's look below the surface!
Typical 'Marriage Problems' - Even If You Aren't Married
Basically, the most common problems all involve letting your ego get the better of you. This causes fear to enter the relationship, where it will block out love unless your partner remains very aware, present, conscious and loving. If you both succumb to your fear based egos, you'll start having problems and need to make lots of unsatisfying compromises. And that's when you might need some marriage problem advice.
A very common problem, perhaps the most common one, is having expectations and getting your needs mixed up with love.
Another common problem is basing your marriage or love relationship on conditional love instead of unconditional love. The alternative, of course, is couple love: the mature love relationship.
And then there is the 'everyday love problem' that this article is focussed on: Accidentally getting practical doings mixed up with love.
The Basics
When you're close, or even living or working together, there are all sorts of challenges. Being close to another person is challenging no matter what, and furthermore there are all kinds of practical doings that need to be done.
Someone has to cook, clean, entertain guests, keep the garden, deal with the kids, walk the dog, pay the bills, etc. etc.
Here's the most important marriage problem advice regarding that:
There is a difference between practical doings and love! These two things are widely different.
Here is a reminder of the way things actually are:
Love is love. Practical doings are practical doings. The two things have nothing to do with each other.
Nothing good comes of mixing them, either. And besides: They should be dealt with in completely different ways.
In other words: Learn to separate practical doings from love – and make your life a whole lot easier. Mix practical doings with love – and watch your problems start growing.
Love
Love is love. It's a feeling, an energy, a condition, a state of being. It's one of the primary characteristics of your soul, of who you really are.
Since love is a state of being you can of course 'perform tasks in it', meaning that you can take care of practical doings while being in a state of love. Doing practical tasks may even be a way of expressing love.
If you can create a situation where all the practical doings in your marriage or love relationship are done from a condition of love (doing things with a feeling of love because you love to do them), then you're pretty much home free!
However, love has nothing to do with expectation, compromise or 'tit for tat'. Tit for tat is trade - you do something for me, and THEN I'll do something for you.
Most people see practical doings (cooking, doing the dishes, mowing the lawn, etc.) as unpleasant work to be avoided if possible. If you are like most people, then you do, too. Right?
Soooo ... the idea of tit for tat arises. Let's compromise. Let's trade.
Trade
There is absolutely nothing wrong with trade. We do it every day. It's highly useful. It usually involves a certain amount of trust. Here's a great little piece of marriage problem advice, though: Don't confuse trade with love.
If you were sharing your home with a total stranger in stead of your spouse/partner/lover, then you would probably sit down with this stranger and agree to some practical house rules. Rules that were acceptable to you both.
If you had to temporarily (say for a few weeks) look after the children of a total stranger, you would probably do the same: Agree to some house rules.
And if you were to go into business with someone, you would probably start by having a negotiation and then make a written contract which you would both sign – whether you knew this person or not.
In these situations it is not very difficult to know what the sensible thing to do is.
But if you mix practical doings with your love relationship it suddenly becomes difficult and confusing. Lots of things go unmentioned and are taken for granted – on both sides – and very few things are openly discussed and agreed upon.
It does not have to be like that. Read on, for marriage problem advice on what to do.
Decision Time
What you need to do is consciously decide between a) love and b) trade (compromise, tit for tat).
Love
Love is love and that is it. Love IS. Love has no expectations and no need for compromise. Love is abundance and love gladly gives. Love does not demand anything of anybody. What is done in love is done with joy and pleasure.Trade
Trade, on the other hand, is based on scarcity. Trade involves tit for tat and compromises. What you do because of a trade you don't necessarily do with joy and pleasure. Consequently trade requires practical agreements, or even contracts, no matter who you are doing the trade with. You and your spouse/lover/partner need to choose between the two.It's not an all or nothing proposition, though. You can look at each major area of your marriage or life together and choose. You can opt for love in some areas and trade in other areas. (And there is nothing wrong with doing so!).
Marriage Problem Advice on Practical Doings:
What to
Do in Practice
First off I want to tell you that I am preparing a Micro Report (of the type How to Do It) with marriage problem advice on the subject of how best to deal with practical doings in your marriage or love relationship. This Micro Report [LINK] will be on sale soon (for a micro price) right here on this website.
In the meantime I'll give you some marriage problem advice in the form of general ideas and hints:
Agreeing
Start the decision process by agreeing to the fact that love and practical doings are two completely separate and different things. The practical doings of you and your spouse/partner/lover have nothing to do with the fact that you love each other.
Making a List
Then you make a list of practical doings - all the practical things that need to be done and all the other potential problem areas (of a practical nature) - in your marriage or love relationship.
Grading the Items On the List
Then you each consider every single item and rate it on a simple 3 grade scale, depending on how much you like to do whatever it is. This will make it clear whether the item can be done with love or if it's a subject of trade (i.e. tit for tat and compromise).
A Chance to Grow
Since the subjects of this website are not only self help, but also personal development, self improvement and spirituality this point in the process is where you have the chance for some personal development / self improvement. It's quite optional of course.
What I'm talking about? Well, I'm talking about moving from resistance to love in one or more areas on your list. For instance, one (or both) of you might have great resistance to, say, doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom. That resistance is condition of being closed off - which means that somewhere (perhaps deep down), some kind of fear is involved.
This equals a chance for you to grow! Just imagine: Personal growth in the area of doing the dishes! Don't laugh ... well, okay, you can laugh ... :-) But the fact remains that ANY feeling of resistance, unpleasantness and being closed off contains a wonderful possibility for personal growth. More on that in the Micro Report [LINK].
Dividing the List Between You
After that you start dividing the tasks at hand (the practical doing, etc. of your marriage or love relationship) between you. The
Agreeing ... in Writing
As always, when it comes to agreements and contracts, it is a definite advantage if all involved parties are in complete agreement ... and the agreement or contract is written down.
Hang on, wait! Am I suggesting that you and your lover/partner/spouse should make a written agreement/contract specifying who does the dishes, who cleans the toilet, who takes care of the kids on which days of the week, etc. - plus how these tasks are to be performed?
Well, yeah. You wanted marriage problem advice, so that is precisely what I am suggesting. And why not? It will make both of your lives much easier.
In any case agreement is essential. Remember: You both have live with your arrangement for quite a long time, so using too much time at this point is probably preferable to using too little.
When you make your agreement there are a number of things to take into consideration. In the Micro Report [LINK] there's a detailed recipe with directions as to how you might create the perfect agreement regarding practical doings in your life together. Now that's sound marriage problem advice for ya!
That's it, for now, with the marriage problem advice. Good luck!
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