Rebound Relationships and Their Dangers
Are you seeking, or do think you're finding yourself in, a rebound relationship? Rebound relationships are often sought, or fallen into, whether consciously or subconsciously, by those who have recently been hurt in some relationship now lost or dissolved. But, although rebound relationships are so commonly sought after, the fact is that a rebound relationship is nearly always bad. Or, at least, unwise.
When you're seeking a rebound relationship, you're probably not looking for anything of substance. People who are looking for rebound relationships strongly tend to be comfort-seekers, perhaps even "just sex" seekers. But no amount of comfort or shallow sex can take away the pain of the substantial relationship lost.
A rebound relationship can also be unethical. There's a high risk of dishonesty on your part, whether you intend there to be or not. You see, in order to get into the relationship, you need to seem as if you're trying to move on, into a new life. That means the other person has to believe this. But if you're really just trying to rebound, you're essentially just using the other person to make yourself feel good about yourself (and possibly just for cheap sex on top of that).
Rebound relationships aren't authentic, and that is what is wrong with them. Most people who knowingly find themselves a rebound relationship don't mean to hurt anyone. But, they do. They lead people on. A lot of times, they are leading themselves on!
Yes, you can lead yourself on. If you are trying to find a new relationship soon after you've broken apart from a serious one, you can easily fall into what is a rebound relationship.
Rebound Dating Problems
You can hurt the other person very deeply with rebound dating. But, you can also get yourself into serious trouble with rebound dating. For instance, if you're a woman, you can find yourself being used for sex by the guy. And while you may think "so what?", if you think the relationship is something serious as you get all caught up in the sex-for-comfort, you may find yourself pregnant by a man who has no commitment to you.Another problem with rebound dating is that if you do it knowingly, or if you just don't care if you're doing it or not, you could set yourself up to be raped. There are guys who target rebounding dating females. Even after the so-called relationship is ended, you could find yourself being stalked.
When Can a Rebound Relationship Be Good?
Most of the time, rebound relationships just can't be good things.
This needs to understood, as was already stated at the beginning of
this writing. But, can a rebound relationship ever be a good thing?
It can, but only as long as you make sure that you, and your rebound
guy or rebound girl, know precisely what you're doing and why you're
doing it.
Over 90% of pre-marital dating relationships end in 'failure',
anyway. So, if you just ended something, or you just got
broken up with, there are some times when a rebound
relationship may work for you ...
- All you want is
sex. Okay, for some people this is not an ethical and/or
attractive option. Yet, there are others who don't think that
there's anything wrong with a "raw sex" relationship. There's
something to be said for "sexual healing". If this is okay
with you, then getting together with someone just to fuck is
fine ... as long as you observe certain basic rules. Namely:
the other person has to be fully aware that sex is really all
that matters; they have to agree that this is fine with them;
and you both need to be careful about sexual diseases or
unwanted pregnancy.
- You have a friend who sets you up
with a date soon after your relationship ends. You should not,
necessarily, turn down other caring people's attempts at
helping you to overcome your loneliness or sorrow even if it's
soon after the breakup. It can be helpful because it takes you
outside yourself.
- You don't want any sex at all, just
a new friend with potential. Rebound dating can be okay if
you're just keeping it "light and fun". It may help you feel
better about yourself and prevent you from falling into grief
or despair. Just as with a situation where sex is all that
it's about, you must be certain that your dating partner is
totally clear about what's really going on.
- You get
together with another single person whom you loved before you
got involved in the last relationship. This may not actually
be a "rebound relationship", but the point is that this may be
a way for you to get into a better relationship. Perhaps you
never told the other person how you feel before. Perhaps you
had mutually decided not to get together in the past. Perhaps
the other person turned you down before, but now indicates
different feelings. Now's your chance to start over.
How Do You Become a Rebound Guy or Rebound Girl?
Don't let yourself think that a rebound relationship is probably a good thing, in spite of what you just read above. What's much more important is understanding how someone like you usually gets involved in a rebound relationship to begin with.1) You are in a relationship and you're in love. Then, that relationship ends (probably without your really wanting or expecting it to).
2) You try to comprehend why the relationship had to end, or was ended, but seem unable to. You become more and more worried about your possible unattractiveness.
3) You decide to get out of the house and start going out to taverns, restaurants, the cinema, etc. Perhaps your friends help you decide this, and perhaps you go out with them, too. But nothing works to cure you of your grief or despair.
4) At last, unable to endure it any longer, you decide that your former lover must have some kind of mental problem to get rid of you ... and, you must prove this, both to that ex lover and to yourself.
5) You get together with someone new. You then proceed to make sure that your ex sees or otherwise finds out that you're with someone new. It's all to no avail, however; your ex doesn't give a damn. Your ex may not even have a new lover, but is still perfectly content, which just makes you feel worse.
6) You finally realize that your rebounding won't affect your ex. When you realize this, you realize that you don't care about the person you're now with, either ... because, you're not in the relationship for a legitimate reason.
As you can see, the above pattern is not one that you want to allow yourself to fall into.
What About Rebound After Divorce?
If you're facing divorce or have just gotten divorced, be on your guard about falling into a rebound relationship. You should probably find other ways of bolstering your self-esteem and being positive about your personal future. Take your time before you let yourself get involved with someone new. There are exceptions to every rule, but ... as a rule, avoid rebound relationships.
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