Getting Over a Relationship
• Need some relationship break up advice?
• Need some break up tips for surviving a breakup?
• You'll get it here. Plus, you'll get tips and advice for ...
• ... dealing with a break up ...
• ... getting over a relationship, and ...
• ... moving on after a breakup
Surviving a Breakup! Relationship Break Up Advice That Will Make Getting Over a Relationship Easier:
Dealing With a Breakup- and Recovering from a Breakup
Have you broken up with your girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, partner or spouse? Or have they broken up with you? That's a tough one.
If you were the one to end the relationship, it is going to be even harder on your ex than it is on you. If your ex was the one to end it, it's going to be toughest on you. Or that's what experience tells us is generally true. It might be different for you, of course.
So, the break up is a reality. How do you go about surviving a breakup? What do you have to do - or not do - when dealing with a breakup?
In this self improvement article I will present you with some general relationship break up advice and 15 good break up tips. All of which can help lessen your break up pain and make moving on after a breakup easier. In essence this is a quick-guide on how to survive a breakup.
Accept Reality
There is hardly ever a situation when the advice 'Accept reality!' does not apply. This is the first step you have to take. Accept reality is my first piece of relationship break up advice for you.
If your intellect tells you that the break up is a definite reality, it is time to face the music and start moving on. This is true even if your emotions completely disagree and want to hold on to the hope that he or she might come back.
By desperately holding on to hope you are in fact holding on to the past, and truth to tell this really does you no good.
In order to move on you need to do yourself the favor of abandoning all hope of a reunion. Yes, that's right. Your continued hope stands in the way of you getting over your ex and moving on after a breakup.
This is a decision, nothing more. But it's a decision you are probably not going to make unless get clear about your needs.
Start Getting Over Your Ex by
Getting Clear about Your Needs
Do you feel that you NEED your ex? Does it feel like he or she fulfilled certain of your needs? Yes?
Then start making a list - a list of all the reasons why you feel you NEED your ex. That's my second piece of relationship break up advice for you.
You might start out by asking yourself what you are going to miss the most about your ex. Then, you write down each thing you can think of in one of these two forms: 'I need my ex to ...' or 'I need my ex because ...' Take some time to do this; a few days or maybe a week.
When you've done that you know all the exact areas where you have deceived yourself into equaling your ex with the fulfillment of your needs. Yep, I said 'deceived'. Because it is not true! You are an adult now, and you do NOT need anyone else in order to get your needs fulfilled. You can do that yourself - in fact you must do that yourself.
The third and final step in this very important 'recovering after a breakup' process is just that: Realizing how YOU can fulfill all those needs that you feel your ex used to fulfill for you.
Accept
the Grief Process
(and the Anger, Too)
When you end a relationship - particularly a long lasing one - there will be sorrow and grief. And maybe resentment and anger, too. This is natural and you will benefit from allowing those feeling to exist within you.
Moreover, since the nature and purpose of feelings is to be felt, you will benefit from maximizing those emotions for brief periods of time. This may sound counter intuitive but it works. That's my third piece of relationship break up advice for you.
Allowing yourself to REALLY, truly feel the full brunt of the unpleasant emotions burns them out much, much faster than you would imagine. As little as one or two minutes of total emotional immersion in sorrow, grief, resentment or anger every day will work wonders. It's not very funny, but it works. It really speeds up your recovering and moving on after a breakup.
Begin to Create a Better Life
You do need to grieve your loss, so feeling the unpleasant feelings is good and necessary. Maximizing them for brief periods of time is even better. Sitting at home moping and crying into your pillow is also fine - for a while.
Like I said, the more intensely you allow yourself to feel you grief (and anger, etc.) the more quickly it will pass. So allow yourself to totally wallow in grief for a while. But not forever.
As soon as you start feeling tired of your own grief it is time to move on. Seriously! Even if you don't feel ready to meet new people, much less ready for dating or having sex, or entering a new commitment. Your feeling tired of your own grief (or anger, etc.) is the signal.
The best thing you can do for yourself then is to start making a better life for yourself. That's my fourth piece of relationship break up advice for you.
This doesn't mean you should start dating right now. If you are still in the process of getting over a break up, you probably are not ready to start dating seriously.
Yet, you ARE ready to do some good things for yourself.
Do Good
Things for Yourself
- Things You Love
Here's a nice little list of 15 pieces of relationship break up advice! 15 things you can start doing for yourself in the process of dealing with a break up:
1. Make a list of things you loved to do prior to the relationship and start doing those things again.
2. Read the following page, buy the ebook for download, and start practicing the Let Go Method: Finding Inner Peace by Letting Go. This is useful on so many levels, particularly when dealing with emotions.
3. Pick up a hobby, learn a new skill or find a craft that you can do in your free time.
4. Join clubs, associations, societies or groups to find other people who also enjoy the things that you enjoy.
5. Get out in nature more - take long walks along the beach, or on the fields, or in the woods. Commune with Mother Nature or just find a favorite spot where you can sit quietly and be at peace.
6. Please your body by getting in shape - sign up for an exercise class, join a gym, get into yoga (or martial arts, if you prefer), or start jogging, preferably in nature.
7. Learn about and start practicing inner travels (exploring consciousness). You might check out the names Stanislav Grof, Chris Griscom, Bruce Moen and Brandon Bays, for instance - all of them are both authors and teachers. Apart from being extremely interesting, this is will likely also to help you get clear emotionally.
8. Take up meditation. Do it for anywhere between 5 minutes and several hours every day. Remember, there are many kinds of meditation, not all of them hard.
9. Get a second job or start volunteering for good causes (this also helps build up your resume).
10. Set your sights on a higher position at work and start working toward a promotion.
11. Learn how to start a small business (or home business), and consider becoming self employed.
12. Learn how to how to make a website and create internet based businesses, and do that part time.
13. Change your diet for the better. We are all individuals with individual needs, but the general rule is that if you lay off the sugar, carbon hydrates and on some days the meat, too, and instead concentrate on getting more fresh vegetable produce and non-acidic fruit like bananas, too, it will rapidly lift your energy level - and also your mood.
14. Look up old friends and start getting to know them again.
15. Go out with friends and just enjoy their company.
In other words:
A wonderful piece of relationship break up advice is to fill out your life with good things!. Make sure you have something to look forward to each and every day.
Don't sleep in until the last possible minute to avoid the pain or regret. Feel the pain and all the other emotions while you get up and then move on with your day.
Experiencing at least one thing that you really love every single day really helps.
When Moving on After a Breakup: Take Baby Steps
So, what if going out for a jog - or any of the other 14 pieces of relationship break up advice mentioned above - just feels impossible while you are getting over a relationship?
The answer is: Take baby steps.
That's my second last piece of relationship break up advice for you.
And know this: If you are feeling intense emotional pain standing still is NOT really an option, because, hey, you'll just be dragging out the pain.
If you don't feel able to follow any of the 15 pieces of relationship breakup advice, make yourself do one of them anyway and then slowly and gradually raise the bar.
For instance: If you can't bring yourself to go out with friends just yet, start calling one friend a day and talking about their life rather than yours. Be there for them to give yourself a break from what you are feeling yourself.
Or, alternatively: Get up, get dressed and walk around the block one time each day. Eat one fresh vegetable every day. Every few days raise the bar so you have to walk around the block twice and eat two fresh vegetables. Then, later, make it three times and three vegetables.
Eventually you will start craving those walks and those vegetables and getting out the door and eating food that's good for you will feel like a natural part of your day. Then, you move on to the next piece of relationship breakup advice, and the next.
One little step at a time, letting go of the ex and creating an active and rewarding life for yourself will get easier and easier.
Surviving a Breakup! Relationship Break Up Advice That Will Make Getting Over a Relationship Easier:
Final Words on Moving On After a BreakupMy last piece of relationship break up advice for you is this:
No matter how much or how little you do with all this relationship breakup advice, there is a day to come when you won't feel your heart bleeding down your spine. There is a day to come when you will wake up excited for your new life rather than mourning that old life.
Looking backward will get you nowhere. Instead, look to this future and these days to come and getting over a relationship will be much easier.
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External links to awesome websites / really cool websites with pages relevant to this self improvement article / personal development page:
Close / sexual relationship described on wikipedia.org: Intimate relationship - the article has further links to e.g. friendships, dating relationships, spiritual relationships, and marital relationships; and the break up phase of such a relationship is described at wikipedia.org: Intimate relationship break up, which seems to be more or less copied from here (or vice versa) ... thefreedictionary.com: Relationship breakupA scientific approach to relationship breakup at encyclopedia.com: Relationship Dissolution
Another, somewhat scientific approach to the break up process at reference.com: Relationship Dissolution
A short somewhat helpful article describing the very first interaction during a break up at wisegeek.com: Let Someone Down Easy
A silly and humorous take on relationship break up at Uncyclopedia - the content free encyclopedia: Uncyclopedia: break up
3 definitions of break up, one of them tasteless and funny ("Break up: The most probable outcome after your girlfriend finds you playing hide the sausage with her sister" at urbandictionary.com: break up
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