There are a number of stages of a relationship, regardless of whether it’s a
relationship between two friends, two members of a family, two coworkers, or two
lovers.
It’s important to understand that all relationships will go
through stages, and these relationship stages are just a
normal part of life. These stages of a healthy relationship
are important, and it’s essential that you know the stages of
relationship so that you can know if and when it’s time for
letting go of a relationship.
Stages of a Romantic
Relationship
There are different kinds of relationships
that you will go through, and romantic relationships are some
of the most important. Here are the stages of a romantic
relationship:
Stage 1: Infatuation
In this stage, there
is no one person in the world that is better than your
partner, and everything that he or she does is perfect. You
probably feel that only butterflies and rainbows come out when
they use the toilets, and there is nothing that they can do
wrong. This is often confused for love, as the feelings can be
similar. The truth is that it is just a chemical attraction,
but it is a strong one that totally confuses your brain and
makes you completely head over heels “in lust” with that
person. This is the most enjoyable of the early stages of a
relationship, but it will usually be over fairly quickly.
Stage 2: Comprehension
During this stage of a relationship,
you have moved past the lust and infatuation and you begin to
get to really know the person. You start to understand their
wants and needs, and you get to know them as a person that is
more than just someone to be in love with. You see their
hidden sides, and you start to find yourself getting attracted
to more than just their physical appearance and how they make
you feel. You start to know them as the person that they
really are, and with this comprehension comes an even deeper
appreciation for that person.
Stage 3: Disturbances
One
of the most important stages in a relationship – though
definitely not one of the most pleasant stages in a romantic
relationship – is the disturbance phase. This is the stage of
a relationship where you start to fight, over silly things at
first. You will find that the first big fight will usually
signal the beginning of this relationship stage, and even
though time will pass until your next fight, soon you will be
fighting more and more often. It’s important that you go
through this stage, as that is how you see how the other
person handles personal disputes.
Stage 4: Opinions
During this stage in a relationship, you will begin to form
opinions of the other person. These opinions are made
according to the experiences that you have lived with the
person during the time that you have spent with them, and they
will often be based on real facts. If “she is a drama queen”
or “he doesn’t like to share his feelings” are the opinions
you form, it is probable that they are real. However, both
positive and negative opinions can put people in a box, which
can put a bit of a strain on your relationship.
Stage 5:
Co-Existence
This is one of the stages of a relationship
that is of the utmost importance, as this is the stage of
dating and relationship building where you learn how to
coexist with the other person. You mold yourself to their
preferences, and your partner will mold him or herself to your
preferences. This usually happens when the couple moves in
together, or when they begin to spend a lot more time together.
Each person will begin to make little sacrifices in order to
accommodate the other person, and this is when harmony is
either made or broken.
Stage 6: Happiness
All of the
previous stages in a romantic relationship lead up to this
moment when you are as happy as possible with each other, and
this happiness goes beyond just infatuation. You usually feel
very comfortable with the other person, and you know how to
handle your differences with each other. You have each
sacrificed to accommodate the other, and you have bonded with
each other. During this stage, people often move in together,
as they want the happy feelings to last. However, it may not
be the best stage to take such a big step, but it’s important
to take things slow.
Stage 7: Doubt
This happens to
almost everyone in the world, though there are some lucky
people that avoid the doubts that plague everyone else. There
are times when you will look at your partner and think, “What
am I doing with him or her?” You will begin to notice all the
things that annoy you about them – really annoy you to the
point that you are tempted to break up – and you will find
that you can’t stand being around the person. This will often
lead to your questioning whether or not you made the right
decision, which can lead to the next stage.
Stage 8:
Crucible
This is the time when you have to make a decision
to stay with the person or not, and sex usually plays a large
role in this. If you are content with your sex life, chances
are that you are content with the person. If you aren’t
content with sex, you may be tempted to break up with the
person – or at least step out on them and have an affair. This
will be the toughest test of your relationship, as it will
strain your bonds and test how strong your relationship is. If
your relationship isn’t going to work, this is where it will
break. If you can make it past this stage, you will be able to
make it to the final stage.
Stage 9: Trust
This is the
final stage of your relationship, and this is the stage where
you finally come to trust the other person. You may not come
to trust them for years, but the truth is that you will have
at least enough trust to share your life with them. It goes
beyond just happiness, but it is formed through the crucible
that you went through in the last stage. Now that your bonds
have been tested, you are sure that your relationship is going
to work – and you move on to the rest of your life.
One
thing to keep in mind is that there is no Happily Ever After
when it comes to romantic relationships. There is nothing that
will guarantee that love will triumph in the end, and making
it to the last stage doesn’t mean that you will never go
through the other stages again. It is actually kind of like a
cycle, as you will often feel infatuation for your partner
once you have come to trust them. You will find that this
cycle can be long or short, and you will go through the
different stages of your relationship for the rest of your
life.
General Stages of a Healthy
Relationship
All healthy relationships go through different
stages, though the stages aren’t the same as with a romantic
relationship. A healthy relationship can be between coworkers,
siblings, or family members. All relationships go through
these five stages:
Stage 1: The Hollywood StageWhen
meeting a new coworker or making a new friend, you will feel
an attraction to them, and this beginning stage of your
relationship will be like something out of a Hollywood movie.
You will always laugh at each other’s jokes, and you will
share passions. It will be easy for you to relate to the other
person, as you will be blinded by all the glitz and glamor of
your new relationship with another human being.
Stage 2:
Power Stage In this stage, each one of you will try to
find your place in the pecking order – something that is just
part of the way all creation works. All animals and humans try
to find their place in the hierarchy, and you will each try to
do something to prove that you are the person higher up. It
may not be overt, but there will be some kind of power
struggle as you each try to assert your place.
Stage 3: Evaluation StageOnce you have seen what the other person
is willing or able to do in order to achieve their place on
the hierarchy of power, you have to evaluate your relationship
with the person. If the relationship is worth it, you will
form an identity that will allow you to fit into the suitable
role with them. If not, you will distance yourself from them
and find a new relationship.
Stage 4: Synergy Stage
During this stage, you and your new friend or coworker will
have formed identities that fit together, and this is when the
synergy will begin. You will each find ways to work or exist
peacefully with each other, neither one disturbing the
protective bubble that both of you have formed around
yourselves. You will learn how to get over your difficulties,
and will find the ways to work or interact harmoniously.
Stage 5: AcceptanceIf you can learn how to work together
in harmony, you will find that each will accept the other’s
place in the natural order of things. This acceptance will
lead to an easy relationship with each other, as you each
accept that the other person has things about them that annoy
you, things that you like, and things that don’t really
matter. You will learn to take the good with the bad, and this
will lead to a productive relationship.
A Few Things to Be Careful For…
If you are in
a new relationship, it’s important that you are careful to
avoid a few simple mistakes:
• Taking the person for
granted – Your new relationship or friendship will seem like
nothing can break it, but undervaluing someone is guaranteed
to split up your relationship before it ever gets into the
later stages. Avoid taking your partner or friend for granted,
and make sure that they know that they have value to you – and
that you value them as a person.
• Putting pressure on the
person – Saying “I love you” early in a romantic relationship
can put a serious strain on the relationship, and in the same
way asking for “a favor” too early on in a friendship or
working relationship can also lead to a strain. It’s important
to wait until it’s the right time for things, as that will
give the relationship time to build the bonds of trust that
will make it easy for each of you to ask more from the other
person.
• Showing too much of yourself – Everyone has
little quirks and foibles that make them either an interesting
person or a strange one, but some people show those things off
too early on in the relationship. It’s important that you
don’t pretend to be something that you’re not, but you need to
hold off on startling truths until the person is able to
accept them.
• Being something you’re not – All of us
create identities that other people will be able to use to
identify us with, but often the identity is different from the
person that we really are. It’s important that your identity
is not something completely different from yourself, but that
you keep it as close to your real personality as possible.
After all, they will eventually get to know you, and you don’t
want them to think that you’ve been lying to them all along.
• Trying too hard –Most relationships are forged over time,
and there is nothing that will make a relationship boat rock
more than trying to force it. Whether with a friend, a
coworker, or a romantic interest, you can’t try too hard, as
that will often make the person think that you are too
invested in the relationship.
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